JOHN

6:20pm, Saturday. Still working. Been busy like this for how long I don’t remember. This job is truly challenging. I think if I can handle this, I won’t have any difficulty handling other future jobs.

Been having a fever since 3 or 4 days ago. Thanks to my parents. They had been sick for a week before they passes the cold/flu to me. My temperature reached up to 39.3C. I feel ok, most of time, and I die hard I guess.

One good thing about having a fever: I stopped dreaming about my work. I used to dream about working for many many weeks. Now I start to have all kinds of weird dreams. Like last night, I dreamed that Joy talking about her bf and she said “He is very very manly down there” and showed a face of satisfaction and now I find it hard to forget the looks on her face even it was in my dream! errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg!

I guess that’s the side effect of the call I made to her last weekend. It’s still haunting me!

What’s haunting me is not only a dream. I still allow myself to miss her. I still ask myself “Why” a million times in vain. I stiil think it was the best time of my life. I was so believing in love and forever. I was having so much faith in her, in myself, in us. I thought we were like no others. I don’t believe I let her slip off from my fingers just like that. It seemed so perfect falling love with my best friends. No one gave me a hug like she did. A hug so warm and cozy, a kiss tasting fine wine and honey, a look making me feel king, a whisper taking my breath away, a word that’s sweet lullaby. She was the home I want to be living in. I wanted a child having her face. I loved her with all I got. I gave away all I got. So how did let her slip away? Now I have to live the rest of my life knowing someone else has married my wife? I must’ve done some really bad thing in my last life.

“I’d be the father of your child”. Who murdered our love, the love we used to dream of? and miscarried our child, who has your eyes, my hair and an angel’s heart?

"Fate isn’t kind to lovers”…

The original post is here:http://www.fmylife.com/love/4595974

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend of 5 years. I love her so much and I've been treating her extremely well. Before I could pop the question, she said in these exact words: "Babe, our relationship is like a drunken night. Fun while it lasted but its something I'd rather forget." FML

#4595974 (77)

I agree, your life sucks (39289) - you totally deserved it (1536)

On 08/17/2009 at 8:04am - love - by singleandheartbroken (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Then some guy replied:

"I love her so much and I've been treating her extremely well".

That is why she broke up with you. You must make sure she is always a bit more enthusiastic about the relationship than you are, if you want it to work! 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Remember that. Give her a little more lovin once shes showin it, but always have friends and other innocent friends that are girls in your life, so she knows there is competition.... and if she ever starts to show even a tiny lack of interest, TAKE THAT ONE STEP BACK! Stop being as nice to her, stop being around her as much, hang and even flirt with other girls a little bit. Send her into an emotional tailspin and make her come head over heels back to you. Make her wonder what the hell just happened, and make her associate "not appreciating the love you give her" with "fine girl, i have plenty of friends and other women who want me if you dont". ok?
That quote at the top, again, is why you failed. But don't worry, bro! If you have a facebook and flirt with many many girls and don't seem sad AT ALL ABOUT IT.... I CAN ALMOST GUARANTEE YOU SHE WILL TALK TO YOU AGAIN, OUT OF CURIOSITY, AND PROBLY WILL WANT YOU BACK SOON!!!
Only reason that might not happen: if she was already seeing someone else, or at least INTERESTED in someone else. which is very possible, but idk the situation you are in. its 50/50 2bh

Two women approved the comment above:

I like your know how on females.
I am one myself and no one has ever put it in words as fine as you have.
I hate to admit it but this is how the majority of us work.
Unfortunately you have now caught on and are selling your secrets to the male species..
Females are now doomed lol.
To the OP, i feel horrible that someone you love did that to you and the fact she probably practised that makes it worse.
As an overall statement, I'd like to tell all those cunning bitches out there karma will get you, you just wait and see.

#59 is kinda right indeed. If you can't be an arrogant jerk, you're screwed. I'm a girl, and I like a challenge far more than a guy who just gives me what I want, when I want it. Hard to get means that I have to do some trouble to get it, and therefore will be more satisfied when I do.
My longest relationship was the most dysfunctional lovehate hard-to-get ever, and it lasted 6 years. It's all about achievements, really.
But then, another problem is that most girls think that if do they get the badass type, they can change him into a sweet guy who will only be nice to them and no one else. Ah, we girls, just wanna be so damn special that it makes us all exactly the same.

This post reminds me of being called a nice guy by my rival after he kinda stole my girl. The same girl used to say that I am a marrying type and imply I am not a date candidate. It also reminds me that my closest friends keep warning me not to be a good guy cuz girls won’t be attracted. And I still remember Jessica asked me to be the nice guy I had always been. And the girl I loved with all my heart broke up with me and two and a half years later I am still single and I don’t recall the last time I had a date.

So what can I say? FML!

明天是倒霉的什么七什么夕，连老天都要阴天下雨，真不得不大呼一声：情侣西奈！

下了班就不想谈工作了，现在做梦有时候都是工作的事，工作之外还是让大脑歇歇吧，总之就是很忙很操心。

下半年貌似结婚的还有不少，我的钱包要遭殃了。那天看到了小凡的婚礼照片，新娘子不错，有福有福。

赖教授上周末来访，班长从烟台来了，老侯也不知道从哪里冒出来了，大家喝得很尽兴，很久没这么喝酒了。

<3 这个符号什么意思？狄姐想歪了。。。其实是颗心。那天Jessica在我的fb上留言，就是这个。她说有可能明年春天能来中国呢。期待见面，享受期待。因为她走了之后，又不知何日能再见。最近在fb上跟她聊了一些，她说我一定对Macy留下了深刻的印象，因为她这年龄的小孩子，记忆一般不会有那么久。我也很想念Macy，总记得她会跟我分享那杯她想象中的茶。也许我该庆幸我跟Jessica没有走到男女朋友那个境地，所以现在才能这么自由的想念与爱。而对joy呢，虽然我还是很有爱，但是已经不知道怎么说怎么表达怎么做了，非常遗憾，希望我会找到解决办法吧。

去睡觉，情侣西奈！

济南今天潮湿的很，像把整个城市笼罩在一个大澡堂子里。晚上雨终于下来，不知道能不能清爽一些。很久没有写博客了，不知道该写些什么。

悄无声息的就过了三个月试用期。每天无尽的资料要查，要替客户或者潜在客户操心。一整天的工作，换来的是下班后几小时属于自己的时间。很困，每天靠一两包雀巢速溶撑下来，晚上这个时间困得睁不开眼却也不想睡，因为毕竟是自己的时间，能长一点就长一点。想学点东西，却总是虚度了。

对于工作本身的热情未消。只是对于工作这个概念有些疲劳。尤其是每月都要值班两次，有点歇不过来的感觉。

想给joy打电话却觉得不合适。毕竟她是有bf了，而我是前bf。很多话已经不适合我来说，而她呢，也有一个比我更亲近的倾诉对象了。自从得知她在校外租了房子，我总是觉得怪怪的，我不知道该怎么说，不知道自己应该怎么想。所以选择了逃避。逃避了却还是惦记着。逃避。

记得。记得我的是Macy。前几天Jess给我留言，确实让我吃惊。因为我们很久都没联系了。而她留言的内容，却让我感到惊喜了。她告诉我说，Darla告诉她，她妹妹某天还要找她和我呢。多可爱的小朋友啊，现在差不多28个月大了吧，已经有8个月没有见她了，我以为小孩的记忆没有这么长呢。于是我也很想她，很想她的姐姐Jess。这个可以想。最后一天我们分别的情景，依然难忘。于是我写信给她。

牛说他回Dayton了一趟。见到了就是好友，还有老太太。据说老太太状态不是很好。是啊，她跟Clint的感情，正是我向往的那种友爱和亲密，Clint一走，没有什么能弥补他的空白。我也挺想老太太，现在google earth里能看到他们家的门廊。看到的时候，我总是想起最后一次Clint站在那里向我们挥手的样子。我庆幸我对他说了我爱他。

想很多人，Terry, Ben, Georges一家, David, Michaelene……Sarah和Rebecca大概今年能来中国吧。我想应该能在北京跟她俩见一面。

预购了半价的Win 7 Pro Upgrade版。其实HP的就够用了，只是Pro可以支持Vista Business的原位升级。现在真没有经历捣鼓电脑了。忙了不是老了。

更新了Longman Dictionary of Contemperary English到最新版。我最喜欢的电子词典工具书。Mp3里的歌最近换成了赖世雄英语中级教程。

还有什么？在找到我自己的生活之前，i am now living in the shadow of the Eclipse. maybe it's because i am too close to the lunar...lunatic

Continue reading →

“忘却或者疯掉”，在一篇有关于politics的文章后面见到这样的回复。

为了忘却，努力用工作来填充自己，效果比较好。早上七点半出门，晚上七点半到家，正好一个对时。找材料、接电话、辅导别人的客户……用大大的笔刷和厚重的笔墨在画板上涂鸦，拼命盖掉原来的色彩。

如今却累了，虽然每天靠咖啡可以支撑下来，但我真的需要一个长长的休止符，但是现实却给我一两个二分休止符而已。不是很脆弱，只是有很多想不通。1900说，我们陆上的人，有一样不好，总是问why why why why why。在我身上还真是这么回事儿。理智上清楚爱是怎么一回事儿，感情上却总是糊里糊涂不明白。那些誓言总还记得，那些誓言不是誓言，是真心话，从来都是。然而休止下来又能怎样呢？

不愿意想昨天、明天，于是我买来wii，这样下了班我也可以闲不着。但是躺在床上入睡前的几分钟，却是怎么也躲不过的，一波波的寂寞孤独，一下下的冲动想去拉身边不存在的那只温暖而柔软的小手。于是困了也忍着不睡，直到确信可以沾到枕头就能睡着，好像大雄那样的惊艳绝技。

i am torn and low. 在美国这样的心情里，我会一连去几个酒吧，wo's, wallaby's, fox'n'hound，走远一点可以去gentlemen's club，比如flamingo和living room。wallaby's里总是廉价而又难喝的coors泛滥，但是年轻貌美的姑娘们的热舞，却是让难以下咽的coors变得像bud light那样美好。在中国这边，我哪里都没有归属感，只有在脑子里一遍遍放这首午夜热舞名曲。。。

Low

[audio:http://cacooca.chinadv.com/3.mp3]

不道德滴想念一个人。困了，也不知道自己在说啥。

There is something you can’t think about. The more you think, the more panic you get. I am panicked, realizing that i might be living alone, knowing that someone else has married to my wife for the rest of my life. and the panic is eating me up. i better get down to work now so i can’t forget about it for a while..or knock my head with a rock and by then i’ll be totally innocent and panic-free once for all.

被雪人mm点到了。感觉点名这个东东好像很古老了，没想到仍然存在呢。

1.我的名：
John
2.我的生日：
330 呃 跟梵高和席琳迪翁一样 据说
3.谁传给我的：
轩雪人
4.生日想要什么：
本来没什么想法，但既然被问到，忽然很想要06年那个生日。
5.相信一辈子的爱情吗：
相信过，怀疑过，现在又相信了。最起码自己不会首先变心。
6.近期压力最大的事：
工作。压力主要来自自己吧，不完全理解自己的工作，还有做不好工作，自己很不爽。
7.未来想做的事：
移民美国或者加拿大，带着心爱的姑娘，然后把爹妈、奶奶统统接过去。
8.你怀疑过自己得能力吗：
谈不上怀疑吧，清楚知道自己在很多地方力所不逮。
9.有没有知道谁的秘密：
看情况，如果那人还没有对别人说的话，应该还是个秘密。也不是什么大事。年轻时可以不说的故事。
10.现在最想做的事：
踏实学习，努力工作，做到问心无愧。
11.难过的时候想哭的人懦弱吗：
看情况，有的事实矫情，有的事哭是真性情。像我现在都不去想让自己难过的事，说不上是聪明呢还是不愿面对自己。
12.想对自己说：
让过去所经历的所有都体现出价值来吧。简而言之，要越活越有智慧！
13.最喜欢的一首歌：
不同时期不一样，也不止一首。
14、最喜欢的艺人：
可以投我自己一票吗？
15.最喜欢的颜色：
蓝色，从来都是。
16.你期待的爱情是什么样的：
可以说理想一点的么：两个人都从灵魂里深爱对方，不管出现什么状况，两个人都绝对不会离开对方，也对对方有同样的信心。互相尊重，即使有了分歧，也只让分歧停留在理智的层面，而不动摇感情。爱不止在心里，还在一言一行，在彼此对望的深情里。能感觉到对方爱的温暖，即使对方的爱并不完全以自己期待的方式表达，并将这种温暖再反馈给对方。互相接受，就像自己接受自己的缺点。不受伤，因为知道对方不会刻意伤害。
18.最想大声说什么：
I love you, with all my life and all my soul!
19.半夜在干什么：
对抗最深的孤独，努力入睡，祈祷不会做梦。
21.现在迷茫什么：
为什么我什么都看清楚了还是会觉得难过。
22.有没有后悔的事：
有，不是很多。
23.最伤心最难过的时候你在做什么：
写博客，豪饮，或许会狂打电话，或者自己哭。后者极其罕见。
24.现在时间：
23:58，6/23/09
25.有没有你觉得厌倦的人：
没大有吧，有时候是我爸。
26.有没有让你伤心或失望的人：
有，包括自己。
27.觉得自己在心理上成不成熟：
请定义啥是成熟？
28.上网做什么：
看论坛，工作，写博客，发邮件，聊天，下游戏、电影、电子书
29.现实生活中中了头奖会做什么？
看看够不够投资移民的。
30.趁年轻你想做什么？
去美国。
31.引起失眠的原因：
植物神经紊乱。
32.现在想结婚吗：
不想。没有人结。
33.对传卷给你的人的评价：
漂亮又善良还很努力的小妹
34.你们认识多久：
至少一年多了吧，我觉得快有两年了。
35.关系铁不：
这个关系不能用铁字来描述。
36.请问他的偶像：
呃，陈道明？
37.对现在的状态满意么：
一般般，事在人为，努力吧。
38.朋友在你心目中重要不：
还用问
39.睡觉前的第一件事：
忘掉忘掉忘掉
40.你记得你爸妈的生日吗：
非常清楚啊
41.你喜欢的季节：
任何季节
42.你最初的理想是什么：
最初？幼儿园？那时候的理想好像跟吃和玩有关，隐约还记得有个漂亮的女小朋友。
43.现在有没有喜欢的人：
有，不过不在同一座城市。
44.你想去的地方：
美国，还有她坐在的诚实。
45.你讨厌什么性格的人：
习惯损人利己的人
46.你现在有没有很恨的人：
有时候会恨，但是存不到现在，体内没有存储恨的器官。
47.如果给你500W，你最先想干嘛：
移民，投资，捐赠。
48.会常哭吗：
会流泪。
49.你会常笑么：
天天。自己在脑子里编喜剧剧本。
50.最喜欢去哪里玩：
美国
51.假日你睡到几点：
七八东篱把酒黄昏后九点。
52.喜欢吃辣椒吗？
做鱼和鱼香肉丝还行。
53.你很自恋吗：
不自恋。自我肯定，对缺点也有充分认识。
54.这个问卷的问题多不多，有没有让你不耐烦：
还行，就是问题太白了
55.要怎么样才能让自己好过点：
重新选择，失忆，或者有新的契机。现在而言，三种办法都不现实，所以还是努力工作吧，挤占生活的时间。
56.孤独的时候你会做什么？
听歌，打游戏，工作。。。
57.你幸福吗：
还不
58.你的爱人像是哪种水果：
桃子。苹果也行。实在不行梨吧。。。反正还没爱人呢。
59.你所爱的他/她/它，什么时候最有魅力：
乖乖投在我怀里或者趴在我背上的时候。
60.你的理想恋人是什么样的：
没有理想。爱上谁谁就变成了我的理想。
61.如果让你拥有项特瑞脑消金兽异功莫道不消魂能：
召唤上帝。
62.会游泳不：
会在水里沉底和扑腾。
63.你是个容易满足的人吗：
不是。分什么事儿。
64.信命中注定的缘分吗：
不信
65.今天过的怎么样：
一般般，不是很满意工作效率
66.点你名嫌我烦不：
Nope
67.你对你最爱的人会说的一句话
我爱你 till death do us part
加：68、如果有一个人你喜欢，你对和他（她）表白吗？
不会。如果爱的话，我会。
69 自己加的问题，问自己：后来会怎样？
答，后来会老会死会爱

照例，不往下点名啦